LIMERICKS!

(Rev April 30, 2003)


I love Limericks...They may be a low form of humor, but that doesn't really matter. I think they are clever, and that does matter.

It is thought that Limericks originated in Ireland and were associated with an early Irish song. Each stanza ended with, "We'll all come up, come up to Limerick." In more modern times it was popularized by Edward Lear.

The Limerick always contains five lines built on exactly two rhymes (a-a-b-b-a), with the third and fourth lines one foot shorter than the other three. A perfect example is

Hickory, dickory, dock!
The mouse ran up the clock.
	The clock struck one--
	The mouse ran down.
Hickory, dickory, dock!


Because Edward Lear so heavily influenced the development of the Limerick, here are a few of the more than two hundred Limericks that he personally composed:

There was an old person of Cromer
Who stood on one leg to read Homer.
	When he found he grew stiff
	He jumped over the cliff,
Which concluded that person of Cromer.


			-o-
There was a young lady whose chin
Resembled the point of a pin.
	So she had it made sharp
	And purchased a harp,
And played several tunes with her chin.


If you would like to enjoy further examples of Limericks, I have tried to divide them into several categories...take your pick.

I think it would be great fun if some of you would contribute some Limericks to this collection. If you have a favorite...or if you want to compose one yourself, use the email facility below to send it. I'll post it, reserving all editorial rights.

Name:
Email:

Enter your limerick or comments in the box below:


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CLASSIC LIMERICKS


There once was a man from Nantucket
Who kept all his cash in a bucket.
 	 Then his daughter named Nan
 	 Ran away with a man.
As for the bucket...Nantucket.

So he followed them to Pawtucket...
The man and the girl and the bucket.
 	 He said to the man,
 	 "You are welcome to Nan,
But as for the bucket, Pawtucket."

		-o-

There were once two young people of taste
Who were beautiful down to the waist.
	So they limited love
	To the regions above,
And thus remained perfectly chaste.

		-o-

I sat next to the Duchess at tea,
Distressed as a person could be.
	Her rumblings abdominal
	Were simply phenomenal--
And everyone thought it was me!

		-o-

A young schizophrenic named Struther
When told of the death of his mother,
	Said, "Yes, it's too bad,
	But I can't feel too sad.
After all, I still have each other."

		-o-

There was an old maid of Genoa;
I blush when I think what Iowa.
	She's gone to her rest,
	But it's all for the best;
Otherwise I would borrow Samoa.

		-o-

There was a young lady named Rood,
Who was such an absolute prude
	That she pulled down the blind
	When changing her mind
Lest a curious eye should intrude.

		-o-

There was a young girl named Anheuser
Who said that no man could surprise her.
	But Old Overholt
	Gave her virtue a jolt,
And now she is sadder Budweiser.

		-o-

There's a notable family named Stein:
There's Gertrude, there's Ep, and there's Ein.
	Gert's prose is the bunk;
	Ep's sculpture is junk;
And no one can understand Ein!

		-o-

There was an old widower, Doyle,
Who wrapped up his wife in tinfoil.
	He thought it would please her
	To stay in the freezer--
And, anyway, outside she'd spoil.

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WEIRD LIMERICKS

There was an old man of Peru
Who dreamt he was eating a shoe.
	He awoke in the night
	With a terrible fright
And found it was perfectly true.

		-o-

There was a young lady who tried
A diet of apples, and died.
	The unfortunate miss
	Really perished of this:
Too much cider insider her inside.

		-o-

There was a strange lady named Harris,
Whom nothing could ever embarrass
	Till the bath salts she shook
	In the bath that she took
Turned out to be plaster of Paris.

		-o-

There was an old codger of Broome,
Who kept a baboon in his room.
	"It reminds me," he said,
	"Of a friend who is dead."
But he never would tell us of whom.

		-o-

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GOOFY LIMERICKS



I once had a skunk named sue
That I hit in the head with a shoe
	She raised up her tail
	I ran like hell,
Has this ever happened to you?

		-o-

There was a young fellow named Sydney
Who drank till he ruined his kidney.
	It shriveled and shrank
	As he sat there and drank,
But he'd had a good time at it, didn't he?

		-o-

There was a young lady of Lynn
Who was so uncommonlythin
	That when she essayed
	To drink lemonade,
She slipped through the straw and fell in.

		-o-

I sat next to the duchess at tea,
Distressed as a person could be.
	Her rumblings abdominal
	Were simply phenominal
And everyone thought it was me!

		-o-

There was a programmer in Bath 
Who gave up formal methods in wrath. 
	"I swear that I knew 
	What my programs should do, 
But you can't write a "goto" in math!" 

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PUZZLE LIMERICKS

A girl who weighed many an oz.
Used language I dare not pronoz.
	For a fellow unkind
	Pulled her chair out behind
Just to see (so he said) if she'd boz.

		-o-

When you think of the hosts without No.
Who are slain by the deadly cuco.,
	It's quite a mistake
	Of such food to partake.
It results in a permanent slo.
		
		-o-

A fly and a flea in a flue
Were imprisoned, so what could they do?
	Said the fly, "Let us flee!"
	"Let us fly!"  said the flea.
So they flew through a flaw in the flue.

		-o-

There was a young girl in the choir
Whose voice rose hoir and hoir,
	Till it reached such a height
	It clear out of seight,
And they found it next day in the spoir.

		-o-

There was a young fellow named Tait,
Who dined with his girl at 8:08.
	But I'd hate to relate
	What that fellow named Tait
And his teta-a-tet ate at 8:08!

	-o-

A canner, exceedingly canny,
One morning remarked to his granny:
	"A canner can can
	Anything that he can,
But a canner can't can a can, can he?"

		-o-

She frowned and called him Mr.
Because in sport he kr.
	And so in spite
	That very nite
This Mr. kr. sr.

		-o-

A bottle of perfume that Willie sent
Was highly displeasing to Millicent.
	Her thanks were so cold
	That they quarreled, I'm told,
Through that silly scent Willie sent Millicent.

		-o-

There was a young fellow named Fisher,
Who was fishing for fish in a fissure,
	When a cod with a grin
	Pulled the fisherman in...
Now they're fishing the fissure for Fisher.

		-o-

An old couple living in Gloucester
Had a beautiful girl, but they loucester.
	She fell from a yacht,
	And never the spacht
Could be found where the cold waves had toucester.

		-o-

A boy who played tunes on a comb,
Had become such a nuisance at homb,
	His ma spanked him, and then--	
	"will you do it again?"
And he cheerfully answered her, "Nomb."

		-o-

Some day ere she grows too antique
My girl's hand in marriage I'll sicque;
	If she's not a coquette
	(Which I'd greatly regruette)
She shall share my ten dollars a wicque.

		-o-

A fellow who lived in New Guinea,
Was known as a silly young nuinea.
	He utterly lacked
	Good judgment and tacked,
For he told a plump girl she was skuinea.

		-o-

A lady, an expert on skis,
Went out with a man who said, "Plis,
	On the next precipice
	Will you give me a kice?"
She said, "Quick! Before somebody sis!"

		-o-

A tutor who tooted the flute
Tried to tutor two tooters to toot.
	Said the two to the tutor,
	"Is it harder to toot, or
To tutor two tooters to toot?"

		-o-

A rocket explorer named Wright
Once traveled much faster than light.
	He set out one day
	In a relative way,
And returned on the previous night.

		-o-

A fencing instructor named Fisk
In duels was terribly brisk.
	So fast was his action
	The Fitgerald contraction
Foreshortened his foil to a disk.

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LIMERICKS CONTRIBUTED BY READERS

	
There was a young woman from Norway
Who hung by her knees from a doorway.
	She said to her beau,
	"Hey, lookee here, Joe!
I think I just found us one more way!"

				--contributed by Lucille VanDusen
	-o-

There was a young woman from Natchez
Whose clothing was always in patches.
	When confronted by those
	On the state of her clothes,
She replied, "When I itches, I scratches!"
 
				--contributed by Lucille VanDusen
				
	-o-
	
There was a young lady from Crewe
Who's limerick stopped at line two 

				--contributed by Kathy Ward 

	-o-		
							
There was a young man from Japan
Who's limericks were rather a scam.
When asked one day why?
He simply replied,
"Well I try to get as many words in the last line as I possibly can.

				--contributed by Paul Young
				
	-o-	
				
A wonderful bird is the pelican
His bill can hold more than his belican
   He can take in his beak
   Enough food for a week
But I'm darned if I see how the helican!!!!! 

				--contributed by Bahjah Rizeq 	
			
	-o-	
				
There was a young lady from Surrey,
Who always left home in a hurry,
	She forgot her bag,
	So she had a fag,
Then went home for a curry! 

				--contributed by Kundisai Chieza	
				

I wish that my room had a floor;
I don't care so much for a door;
	But this crawling around
	Without touching the ground
Is getting to be quite a bore.

				--contributed by Kailergirlteen@yahoo.com.hk

There was once an athelete named Sam,
Who wanted to marry Pam.
	They got in a fight,
	And the church was tight,
And the people decided to eat ham.
				
				--contributed by Ashley Cooke											
				

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